Happy and Sad Tears October 12, 2007

9:28pm October 12th, 2007

Ok so… as of yesterday I am not single LOL and I am absolutely happy with everything right now.  See I don’t get why people are shocked… ok fine I sorta do but it’s not that big of a deal ok?  It’s just Russell, can’t I like him?  Gosh… >>;;  Anyways… just two more days until you come back from Utah and I’ll be really really happy =)  Haha I’ll be smiling so much on Monday… Jen’s Sweet 16 + everything else… xD  Sometimes I wish time could go by just a little faster when I wanted it to.  But life doesn’t work the way we want it otherwise why would we even go through our life… right?  Okay I don’t think I’m making sense but that’s ok…

You’re telling me that you’re probably leaving for Utah to go to university next year.  For me that’s horrible news… I mean I know you’ll have such an awesome future and better education in that university but… that was hard news on me… It was like as if half my world came falling down on me for no reason.  I want to spend quality amounts of time with you now… Because a  year goes by QUITE fast… I don’t wanna look and regret that I didn’t spend enough time with you…  I really don’t wanna see you leave and have me get all “Oh my gosh I’m so stupid” kinda stuff…  I mean you are graudating this year and I’m not so I can’t do anything about that… >.<  I hope this year will go slowly but with happy memories created <3  I do truly love you… <3

OKAY smexie family is apparently broken?  I honestly wish you never appeared in my life…. Yes you made my life more interesting but I absolutely hate you now…  I do not care about you anymore… I’m sorry but you really hurt me… EVERY part of me has a scar on it… written with GOR GOR all over it…  and it hurts ok?  I will probably forgive you some random day… in the far future but this is one thing that I’ll probably either forget with happiness because my brain doesn’t want to remember you or because I’m mentally disabled >>;  How many times have you let me down… How many times have you made me cry?  How many times have I told you I will never hate you because you’re my “brother”…  You could NEVER get on my last nerve… but you did you cut off ALL MY NERVES and ruined the last one… and I WILL go bizarre if you get on my last nerve… I’m sorry I made you cry… but at least now you know how hurt I am if you even think about it.  Don’t you remember me telling you about how if I slap you and not cry… it’s the worst thing that could ever happen… this is the second or third time I’ve brought this up… I’m writing this without feeling a single pain in my heart… without crying a single tear… that shows you how much this is affecting me…  Trust and honesty doesn’t exist between us anymore… You’ll never ever be my gor gor again… You just can’t… no matter what happens… If it ever did happen… I probably had a memory loss… But for now… You’re Alex and I’m Belinda… the only connection we have… You are Tivona’s boyfriend and Tivona is my “sis” that’s it… no more no less…

~Belle

Love Struck… October 10, 2007

7:43pm October 10th, 2007

So… here I am struck by love again.  Some of you guys might ask, well who is it?  Can’t tell you yet… The thing is, you’re so nice, considerate, humourous, cute (yes you are!), huggable (yes I need to hug you on monday) and whenever I feel a lot of pressure, you make it all disappear.  I don’t think I’ve felt this for a long time…  The whole “oh my gosh, I’m so happy right now nothing can ever ruin my mood”… I’ve felt this feeling…. once at most twice before.  That’s it.  And considering the times that I’ve had a crush or “liked” someone…. oh my gosh I’m falling hard this time….  harder by the minute….  And just as I’m falling hard… you’re not here for 5 days… I wish you were here.  It was a hard day to get through without you here.  I mean it would have been so much easier on me if I knew I was gonna see you at flex or lunch that it would make me feel so much happier.  And you said that I’d better be happy and smiling otherwise you’d be sad.  I don’t want you to be sad… NEVER!!  Do you hear me??  Actually I don’t even know if you’ll read this or not… ==” mmhm… maybe I should tell you to read this….. MMMMMMM oh my gosh I hate thinking about this…. ==”  Sigh… 4 days before you’re back…  Surviving one day was bad enough… now I gotta AHHHHH my brain is going to explode soon… >< I MISS YOU T~T  i love you too… *major blushing…*  Actually there’s an interesting question that I thought of… Why do I like you… oh my goshie xD that question was scary it just popped out of NO WHERE at me… == Lets answer that question =DDD

Why do I <3 You…  You know how I’m always studying and doing homework… or stressing out??  It’s horrible being around other people that are stressing out too because of studying *cough JUNE cough* haha just kidding June =P haha but anyways… it adds to my stress and usually I freak out… But after talking to you it’s like nothing is wrong… and I feel motivated to actually study again.  It’s just so weird how things happen…  I never thought I’d like you, to tell the truth.  Since we never really talked last year and then all of a sudden we started talking this year… It was like whoa hahaha xD…  I guess it’s just you really brought me out of my “shell”…  I admit that I can get quite shy… regardless of how random and hyper I can get…  It’s just different when I’m around people I like…  And you… you make me have butterflies in my stomach… Remember how you couldn’t tell me the truth yet and just told me a name?  Those butterflies just died on me and I felt… really weird… Then the next day at school it was just like… oh my gosh awkward… I don’t like seeing this…. ><’”"”"  It was probably one of the worst feelings that I’ve ever felt….=(  Then you told me the truth… and those butterflies came back, but this time it wasn’t bothering me… It was making me happy and I could smile again =).  I wonder what it is that you do to me that makes me wait for your texts, wait for you to go online, and want to see you at school.  I guess it’s just you =P  hehe  I honestly will never regret this…. ^^  This year will be full of memories…I can tell already, it’s your senior year and my sophomore  year.  We’ll make the best of it… and you promised you’ll visit after you graduate… ^^  There’s your motivation to visit hehe!! 

I wish you could like stay in my block five class to be a tutor or something… *sigh* Seeing you during flex and lunch isn’t enough….. >.<”  I’m such a weirdo… ==”  hehe but then again it doesn’t really matter anymore hehe =3 There’s an early dismissal tmr… if you were here I would have wanted to stay with you… *sigh*… Monday…. Jen’s sweet 16 <3 and I get to see you ^-^  I’ll be an extremely happy child on monday HAHA xD oh my gosh that sounds weird xD OH MY GOSH you know what I just realized… I don’t know why you like me… .-. mmm I’m curious now =OO

~Belle