7:22pm May 8th, 2008
So… it’s been 25 days since we’ve been apart… I must say it’s been quite hard to be around you. I don’t really know how it is that I managed to put on a “I’m fine don’t worry” mask on at school. I mean it’s kinda obvious that this wasn’t expected == I mean honestly I know that people have been betting that we’d break up after like a couple of weeks, a month, two months. Best part was we beat the longest bet, but you still broke up wtih me. I just can’t seem to get all my thoughts together, it’s so hard to understand why this all happend. It felt like a blur to me, yet I seem to be able to see so clearly at times. Let’s put my small thoughts the last 25 days into perspective, shall we?
Mon. 04/14/08 ~ You let go of everything we shared because you thought you could only have one. Her or me… and so you decided to choose friendship over relationship. She is important to you I know she is… but it just made me realize how much I weight in your heart at the time. Definitely not as important as she is because I obviously didn’t weigh enough for you to talk to me about it. You made your decision without me, and I had no say… you made my decision for me…
Tues. 04/15/08 ~ I couldn’t hold it in today… I looked like I was a miserable, pathetic child today at school. I got home and cried my heart out. Seeing you was painful… I couldn’t hold you, I couldn’t hug you, I couldn’t even kiss you. I couldn’t do anything that I would normally do with you because everything ended the moment you told me you couldn’t be with me anymore. It felt that bad, and I knew if I didn’t let it all out I’d probably go cuckoo…</3
Wed. 04/16/08 ~ I saw her today… We looked at each other as if we were the third person that destroyed each other’s relationship/friendship… Basically she thinks she’s our 第三者, and well from the looks of it I became the 第三者 between you two because I went out with you without either of us knowing that she liked you for two years now… I don’t understand how it all worked out like this but sure…
Thurs. 04/17/08 ~ You told me today that you made a rash decision and that you really regret it. Even if you regret it, it’s not like you’ll do anything about it. You can’t seem to take everything back and be with me again. I can’t seem to understand what you’re thinking, I just don’t get it. I’m too sick right now to understand it, what’s wrong with me?!
Fri. 04/18/08 ~ (nothing to say </3)
Sat. 04/19/08 ~ Today was supposed to be our 3rd month… guess not. </3
Sun. 04/20/08 ~ (again… nothing to say </3)
Mon. 04/21/08 ~ You told me that you didn’t realize how much of an impact I had on you until now. You couldn’t figure out why you wouldn’t be able to let go of me… I don’t understand either, I never knew it’d hurt this much. I went out with you knowing that you’d be gone, but we never knew that we’d have such a large impact on each other over the last three months. It’s almost like we’ve done so much to each other that it’s unbelievable… Unbelievably amazing <3
Tues. 04/22/08 ~ (nothing to say… </3)
Wed. 04/23/08 ~ You’re so cold to me in front of other people…. but when we’re alone we act like we haven’t ever broken up… >< what’s up with that?!
Thurs. 04/24/08 ~ You didn’t come to school today because you were sick… I was really worried… but I couldn’t let you know that. I couldn’t even tell you that I was worried sick. Please tell me you are okay… please?
Fri. 04/24/2008 ~ You told me again tonight that you still really like me, really miss me… But we’re not even together anymore… it’s the truth… </3
Sat. 04/25/08 ~ We went for a walk today… first time we’ve been alone since we’ve broken up. It feels the same but at the same time it feels like we’re never going to get that same feeling back. Why am I so afraid of trying? Why am I so afraid of doing what I want for me? Why do I have to make everything perfect for you and her, and make myself suffer? I don’t like seeing you two in pain… so why do I like seeing myself in pain…?
Sun. 04/27/08 ~ I really missed you today… I couldn’t even work properly… ==;;
Mon. 04/28/08 ~ I had districts today… I promised I’d make it into Frasers for you and for me… but I realized that no matter how hard I try I’m just not able to. Without you there, I can’t seem to get that extra “umph” to make myself play even better. Sorry..
Tues. 04/29/08 ~ (nothing to say…</3)
Wed. 04/30/08 ~ You once said you never wanted to hurt me, then why did you let go of something so important to us? Does it really mean that I’m not important? I know that I’m really important to you, and so are you.
Thurs. 05/01/08 ~ I saw how happy you and her were today, I felt really weird around you two. I think I finally know how she feels like………
Fri. 05/02/08 ~ I really miss you… what’s the point though…?
Sat. 05/03/08 ~ Team Cohesion today =] You came over and we had some alone time <3 Then we went bbtea with Barry + Lee-Ann, we had lots of fun. Boston Pizza was a blast because we were all together. John’s house was fun too, I finally got to watch an entire movie with you in ur arms… <3 I know that everyone saw the way we acted and they asked you whats with us after I left. I don’t care anymore, I like you… believe me.
Sun. 05/04/08 to Tues. 05/06/08 ~ (nothing to say…</3)
Wed. 05/07/08 ~ You asked me if I wanted to go to prom with you, it’s not that I don’t want to it’s more that you’re not keen on asking like Curtis. I don’t want you to do something you’re not comfortable with. The main reason I wanted to go to prom with you is because I want to share this special moment with you. I’m not disappointed.. well a little… but it’s okay. I mean you’ll be with your friends =) you’ll have a good time, I just won’t be there to be with you.
Thurs. 05/08/08 ~ You asked me out again today. Everything’s fine again… <3 I luff you =3
~ Belle
