So… it’s been 25 days since we’ve been apart… I must say it’s been quite hard to be around you.  I don’t really know how it is that I managed to put on a “I’m fine don’t worry” mask on at school.  I mean it’s kinda obvious that this wasn’t expected ==  I mean honestly I know that people have been betting that we’d break up after like a couple of weeks, a month, two months.  Best part was we beat the longest bet, but you still broke up wtih me.  I just can’t seem to get all my thoughts together, it’s so hard to understand why this all happend.  It felt like a blur to me, yet I seem to be able to see so clearly at times.  Let’s put my small thoughts the last 25 days into perspective, shall we?

Mon. 04/14/08 ~ You let go of everything we shared because you thought you could only have one.  Her or me…  and so you decided to choose friendship over relationship.  She is important to you I know she is… but it just made me realize how much I weight in your heart at the time.  Definitely not as important as she is because I obviously didn’t weigh enough for you to talk to me about it.  You made your decision without me, and I had no say… you made my decision for me…

Tues. 04/15/08 ~ I couldn’t hold it in today… I looked like I was a miserable, pathetic child today at school.  I got home and cried my heart out.  Seeing you was painful… I couldn’t hold you, I couldn’t hug you, I couldn’t even kiss you.  I couldn’t do anything that I would normally do with you because everything ended the moment you told me you couldn’t be with me anymore.  It felt that bad, and I knew if I didn’t let it all out I’d probably go cuckoo…</3

Wed. 04/16/08 ~ I saw her today… We looked at each other as if we were the third person that destroyed each other’s relationship/friendship… Basically she thinks she’s our 第三者, and well from the looks of it I became the 第三者 between you two because I went out with you without either of us knowing that she liked you for two years now… I don’t understand how it all worked out like this but sure…

Thurs. 04/17/08 ~ You told me today that you made a rash decision and that you really regret it.  Even if you regret it, it’s not like you’ll do anything about it.  You can’t seem to take everything back and be with me again.  I can’t seem to understand what you’re thinking, I just don’t get it.  I’m too sick right now to understand it, what’s wrong with me?!

Fri. 04/18/08 ~ (nothing to say </3)

Sat. 04/19/08 ~ Today was supposed to be our 3rd month… guess not. </3

Sun. 04/20/08 ~ (again… nothing to say </3)

Mon. 04/21/08 ~ You told me that you didn’t realize how much of an impact I had on you until now.  You couldn’t figure out why you wouldn’t be able to let go of me… I don’t understand either, I never knew it’d hurt this much.  I went out with you knowing that you’d be gone, but we never knew that we’d have such a large impact on each other over the last three months.  It’s almost like we’ve done so much to each other that it’s unbelievable… Unbelievably amazing <3

Tues. 04/22/08 ~ (nothing to say… </3)

Wed. 04/23/08 ~ You’re so cold to me in front of other people…. but when we’re alone we act like we haven’t ever broken up… ><  what’s up with that?!

Thurs. 04/24/08 ~ You didn’t come to school today because you were sick… I was really worried… but I couldn’t let you know that.  I couldn’t even tell you that I was worried sick.  Please tell me you are okay… please? 

Fri. 04/24/2008 ~ You told me again tonight that you still really like me, really miss me… But we’re not even together anymore… it’s the truth… </3

Sat. 04/25/08 ~ We went for a walk today… first time we’ve been alone since we’ve broken up.  It feels the same but at the same time it feels like we’re never going to get that same feeling back.  Why am I so afraid of trying?  Why am I so afraid of doing what I want for me?  Why do I have to make everything perfect for you and her, and make myself suffer?  I don’t like seeing you two in pain… so why do I like seeing myself in pain…?

Sun. 04/27/08 ~ I really missed you today… I couldn’t even work properly… ==;;

Mon. 04/28/08 ~ I had districts today… I promised I’d make it into Frasers for you and for me… but I realized that no matter how hard I try I’m just not able to.  Without you there, I can’t seem to get that extra “umph” to make myself play even better.  Sorry..

Tues. 04/29/08 ~ (nothing to say…</3)

Wed. 04/30/08 ~ You once said you never wanted to hurt me, then why did you let go of something so important to us?  Does it really mean that I’m not important?  I know that I’m really important to you, and so are you. 

Thurs. 05/01/08 ~ I saw how happy you and her were today, I felt really weird around you two. I think I finally know how she feels like………

Fri. 05/02/08 ~ I really miss you… what’s the point though…?

Sat. 05/03/08 ~ Team Cohesion today =] You came over and we had some alone time <3  Then we went bbtea with Barry + Lee-Ann, we had lots of fun.  Boston Pizza was a blast because we were all together.  John’s house was fun too, I finally got to watch an entire movie with you in ur arms… <3  I know that everyone saw the way we acted and they asked you whats with us after I left.  I don’t care anymore, I like you… believe me.

Sun. 05/04/08 to Tues. 05/06/08 ~ (nothing to say…</3)

Wed. 05/07/08 ~ You asked me if I wanted to go to prom with you, it’s not that I don’t want to it’s more that you’re not keen on asking like Curtis.  I don’t want you to do something you’re not comfortable with.  The main reason I wanted to go to prom with you is because I want to share this special moment with you.  I’m not disappointed.. well a little… but it’s okay.  I mean you’ll be with your friends =) you’ll have a good time, I just won’t be there to be with you.

Thurs. 05/08/08 ~ You asked me out again today.  Everything’s fine again… <3 I luff you =3

~ Belle

April 14th… probably one of the worst days of 2008 =).  You told me things that I knew I’ve been pushing out of my mind for a very long time, yet you brought it up.  I knew for a fact that you didn’t want to feel unfaithful… somehow I knew that it was going to happen sooner or later.  I’m not saying that it wasn’t hard to believe that she likes you… I mean I could sense it when we went skating… I just never thought that it would happen and happen like this. 

You regret it… you still like me… we still want to be together… yet nothing is possible.  Sometimes I wonder why you didn’t bother asking her or myself what to do before you made your decision.  If you actually talked to us and we figured something out, you wouldn’t have to make such a rash decision, and make three people unhappy.  I know that the past couple of days we are starting to act normal and feel better about this situation.  We may seem normal, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t feel bad in the inside.  She feels like she’s the bad guy… and that she doesn’t deserve you in any way.  Even if I told her that she was really important to you and that she shouldn’t hold back on this she still feels like she doesn’t deserve any of this.  It feels really weird that two girls who like the same guy can talk to each other so nicely.  Yet we’d expect the drama type cat fights… and go all nuts towards each other.  I admit that I’ve cried… I admit that I hate your decision… I even admit that maybe if you lost me 100% you’d hold me closer.  I know I’m really weird and stupid for feeling that, but it seems that the more I lose you the more I want you closer.  You’ll always be a close part to me… you’ve made a real large impact on me.  Everything that you’ve done to me is basically burnt into my memory.  You’ve done so much to me in such a short amount of time. 

Today was supposed to be our 3 month… I was going to do spend time with you tomorrow instead, but it seems that we don’t need to anymore.  Even though you still want to hang out tomorrow… I do… deep down inside I know I want to be with you.  Even if it’s just a hug… or even if you can just hold my hands for a short period of time.  I’ll be really really happy… =/ Unlike the other times, I really feel like crying isn’t going to do much… I cried and I couldn’t stop I know tears have to come out… otherwise it’s not healthy.  Just being able to be around you will be fine..  It’s not hard to believe that you choose friendship > relationship.  But you have to admit that you must like her to a certain degree that friendship + history + feelings > relationship + feelings…  we lack history and we probably lack a lot of other things… honestly I wonder what would happen if I was in her position and she was in mine… Would you still break it off with her so you don’t lose your friendship with me?  Or do I just have extremely bad timing?  There are other questions that popped into my mind, but I really don’t want to ask them anymore. haha. == I’m a dumb ass aren’t I? 

Now that I’m too sick to do anything it’s really weird.  You want me to be get better soon, and you want to hang out with me.  We can still do a lot of things that we could do before we broke up.  The only thing is, it’s different now.  It’s just… hanging out… and not a date.  At times I don’t get why I’m still so close to you… or maybe it’s just that we still have feelings for each other that can’t be eliminated right now.  Other than that, I don’t see what else there is to say.  I’m made an impact in your life?  Really?  Do you really miss me?  It’s really hard for me to believe that sometimes.  Though I believe every word you say… and yet people tell me you’re screwing around with me haha. == I wonder why… >>;;  And I should listen to her… do what’s best for myself.  What’s best for me right now… mmhm.  That would be 1) not let things be awkward; 2) have you stay close to me; 3) let you be happy.  I hope that sounds reasonable… 

I realized that at a certain point on Wednesday I wanted to hug you really hard kiss you lightly on the cheek and just leave…  It’s really hard not to be able to hug you and hold onto you when we see each other.  I’ll get over it, that’s for sure =).  I had a small request that I haven’t told you yet… but I’ll tell you later… =P  Technically I don’t even know if you’ll ever read this or not… if you do, you’ll always be important to me, and I know you don’t want to be my brother… ==;;  Who else can you be?  If you don’t read this then I don’t have much else to say. 

Don’t forget me… okay?  And if I continue to matter to you some day… tell me?  If you still like me in a couple of months would you still tell me?  Would you tell me if you missed me?  …would you tell me anything…?

~ Belle 

So… I have been thinking over and over again… why am I doing this to myself… As you said before, is it even worth it?  Would I be better off single?  You asked me questions that I could not answer on the spot.  After thinking about it for a night, I do have answers.  Prepare to be overwhelmed…  if you’re not overwhelmed after this blog… I have failed. miserably………

First off, I don’t care anymore.  All I care about is right now and what’s going on with me and you.  You asked me several questions and this one question really made me think “who the hell do you think I am..”  You asked, “Are you happier single?/Do you always have someone to like?”  No I don’t always have someone to like… I’m perfectly fine being myself and not having to like someone.  I have feelings for you because you’re important and special to me.  If you didn’t mean anything to me I wouldn’t bother to like you.  And yes perhaps you think the words “like” and “love” is overrated and maybe yes I am one of those girls that enjoy using these words, but it doesn’t mean I over use them.  I only use them seriously to those that I feel deserve these words coming from me.  I mean to be perfectly honest with you, I don’t really care if you use those words at all or if you find these words fake.  That’s what I do when I’m expressing myself and if you don’t like it I wouldn’t take it offensively.  I just won’t.

Am I better off single?  I like being single you have freedom and you’re free to look at hot guys.  It also means that I’m free to have crushes on guys (haha).  But this is probably also the one time that I’ve really really liked being with someone.  I know you don’t give me your 100% attention because I know you’re not the guy to.  If you think breaking up with me will make me any happier I probably won’t.  Because I know I could have changed how things are going.  I’ve worked so hard and so long for things to come to this step, I don’t want things to end.  Is it really worth it for me to put in so much effort and in the end not get anything from this?  As of right now I don’t know if I’m getting anything from this because you said that your feelings haven’t developed yet.  And yet you said you liked me more… does that mean you lied to me, or did you mean that your feelings haven’t developed fully yet?  I really don’t know anymore.  I truly wonder what’s going on…  If you break things off with me now, yes I will be upset, and no I won’t be able to act normal around you.  I will be really upset around you because I know that seeing you will bring back happy and sad memories. 

A question that I want to ask you… do I have absolutely no affect on your life that even if one day we break up you won’t have any feelings attached?  Not even for a day? or a week?  I really want to know the answer to that… and hearing that you’ll be normal after we break up is already hurtful enough.  Perhaps I don’t have what it takes to make an impact in your life.  Then I hope someone else will.  All I can do is give you a taste of what having a girlfriend is like.  I know for a fact that I am not the one for you… probably not.  It doesn’t mean I can’t try… I am trying hard to hold onto you for as long as I can… and then again I don’t know how much damage this will do to me… or you if it’ll even hurt you a bit in any way…  I highly doubt that I’ll be a problem to you… 

Sometimes I truly wonder why you never think about yourself when you’re wondering about these kinds of things… is it because you know you don’t “like” me enough to think that you need to be a factor in this relationship or is it because you just care about me too much.  The ways you describe our relationship it doesn’t sound any different as your close female relationships with Cat… besides the fact that I’m your girlfriend, we hold hands, we hug a lot, and we kiss…  Other than that I don’t see any difference… I truly don’t.  And from what other people are seeing and telling me which I must say is hard to not agree with, you two sometimes seem more like a couple than we do… It’s not that I don’t mind or whatever, you two are close friends, I can’t do anything about that… it’s just like me and my guy friends.  That’s why I don’t say anything about it… but when numerous people come up to you and say it over and over again to your face, then it starts to get a little annoying and out of hand.  I don’t want to doubt you, I have NEVER doubted you… but why does everything have to happen now.  People are telling me that this isn’t worth it, and that if I stop now I won’t get hurt as much.  But I’ve put so much into this.. is it also worth it to just let go right now? 

It’s been 2.5 months since we’ve been together… probably around 80 days?  It’s been something that I never would have experienced without you… or in a totally different way if it wasn’t you.  I honestly wonder if this will even be important enough for you to remember…  I know that I’ll always be close to you and that we’ll always talk even if you’re off to university.  But what if you start to avoid me… like today?  I feel like we were so distant everyone was like “what’s up with him?”  It doesn’t feel that great to have your friends call the person you like a jerk.  You are not a jerk.  You will never be a jerk.  I just wish you would add yourself as a factor… would YOU be happier if YOU were single?  Put yourself into the question instead of me…

I don’t know what your decision will be… I’ve seen long distance work and fail… it’s all in your hands now… I won’t end things… unless I am forced to, which I hope I’m not…  Until that time I won’t think about it because I know that in the end you will always be a special someone in my life and I’ll always remember you as someone special.  Or maybe I like you so much I don’t care if I get hurt… now that’s scary.  Or perhaps I just don’t understand what I want yet… Actually I lied, I do… so you’ll just have to deal with what I want… while still being able to get what you want.  If you have to hurt me… then hurt me.  To be honest with you… I’m not confused anymore.  I don’t care anymore… I don’t want you to avoid me or anything.  From now on all I want is for you to be happy and if that means you don’t want me around… I’m fine with that.  As long as I’m still a close friend to you I’m grateful for that.  Just never forget me.  Ok?  As for now… I’ll continue to be the girlfriend that I always worked hard to be. 

~ Belle

I really enjoy watching  鬥牛, 要不要…  Mike and Hebe has chemistry that no one else has been able to top…yet.  I found quotes from a site… it’s beautiful…<3

The people who are blessed,
are usually the ones with the most choices，
the moment you leave，
I have lots of choices，
choosing to silently watch you leave，
meaning I can only watch you silently，
choosing to allow two people，
have the most heart throbbing distance，
but only separating us by an inch of air，
choosing to be honest with you，
yet afraid the honesty will destroy your smile，
apparently I can’t choose at all,
when I leave I just want you to remember，
that I worked hard just for you.

~ Belle

So… guess what?  Spring Break is gone ==… freaking I HATE THAT SO MUCH.  I loved my spring break this year and I wasn’t ready for it to be over.  Sheesh >>;;  So lets do a small Spring Break recap so I don’t forget everything that happened this spring break!! Though I must admit I did do a lot… but I could have done way more… =/

Saturday March 15th 2008:

As always I had to work… 2-7pm shift… it wasn’t bad.  Then I went over to my sister’s new apartment for her housewarming party with family.  Hot pot… was good =]  We went over to their clubhouse afterwards to play badminton and basketball… it was FUNNNNNNNNNN =]  (yes there was a pool table Sherman… I don’t know why I’m writing this but I figure you’d be reading this one day LOL). 

Sunday March 16th 2008:

I believe there was already a blog about this day underneath.  You woke up early for me… and we went to drop in together =]  Alongside with a couple of other people.. duh   Cutest part was you kissed me on the cheek… I don’t think I’ll forget that =P

Monday March 17th 2008:

I stayed home that day… baking sugar cookies with my mom.  I believe that was about it… I didn’t have much to do and I was completely out of it when it came so close to skating ==  I WANTED TO GET OUT OF THE FLIPPING HOUSE!!  You have to admit that it’s boring when you have got nothing to entertain yourself with… haha ok yeah not funny ==

Tuesday March 18th 2008:

Oh my gosh.  Skating finally came!  Sherman drove me down to the rink =]  It was freaking hailing too…. and you were speeding down the mountain == We had loads of fun though =]  Best part was skating with everyone.  Lets see who was there… girls:  susan june megan monique tina cat and I.  Guys:  sherman ken calvin julian russell john geoff wilfred… I think that was it… if I’m wrong I’ll add more names later.  But it’s all Sherman’s fault that I fell XD hahahaha yep everything is your fault =P well I was thinking a hell lot and I lost balance == jeez.  hehe we went over to Nagano for lunch =]  it was um Sherman Ken Russell Julian Cat Tina June Monique and I.  Everyone else left… loool~  it was a funny day… and I kinda wish it didn’t end… =/

Wednesday March 19th 2008:

Pirates of the Caribbean marathon at Ken’s house…  I never knew it’d be like 7 hours worth of movie watching… so thank god we voted to skip the second one.  Well the girls decided anyways… xP  So the people that went eh…  Ken (duh) Sherman Jonny June Yng and I.  It was fun xD hahaha we TF2-ed a little… Jonny saw me sucky skills…. well it was my second time ok… == give me a break LOL and then there was also the whole thing where they showed me old pictures on facebook… that was fun.. June and Yng ditched me XD I was there till 8:30 no thanks to you two LOL jk I <3 You two =]  Sigh… xD

Thursday March 20th 2008:

Well… what do you know… I was stuck home again.  == Nothing to do…….. It’s kinda sad I must admit.  I wasn’t allowed anywhere because I had to go down to the States the next day…

Friday March 21st 2008:

I woke up at 5:30 to go down to the States….  We had tons of fun though XD Family shopping day hehehehe =]  We were everywhere…. LOL  Seattle Premium Outlet is amazing… I got myself a pair of DCs <3  and of course a lot of other things but those aren’t too important.  Best thing though… shopping =]  It was worth waking up so early XD it actually was…

Saturday March 22nd 2008:

Well work again… 11:30am-7pm shift… ==  it was actually not that bad HAHAHA or so I thought =P haha After that I went over to my sister’s house for her house warming party FRIENDS EDITION part 1…. lol o gosh XD We had loads of fun eating sushi and pizza… =]  I was on the phone with Sherman for almost an hour though == I never realized until my sister told me to go outside and engage in some gaming… LOL  was playing mahjong for what like… an hour?  not even… then we played that chinese dice game =]  “sik zhong”  though loser had to drink a mouthful of beer.. heineken?  I believe it was heineken… my sister told my mom I would be drinking just a little so it was alright.  I didn’t even finish my whole cup xD and we started at 10pm and I left at 12am.   =P that just shows that much I owned ass in that game HAHAHA!!

Sunday March 23rd 2008:

ok… so Happy Easter Sunday =]  Sherman and I decided to not go to drop in LOL and I went over to his house… to watch Death Note 1.  Though he was kinda screwed cause it only had simplified chinese subs and the english subs were HORRIBLE.  You finally played Kiss the Rain… I didn’t mind that your last two pages were screwed up… you still played it… I have to admit that the first two pages were absolutely amazing… I stood there with my eyes closed in case you didn’t know… cause your back WAS to me.. == I loved it… thanks =] Your parents are amazingly nice xD my parents were so awkward == but you had a bad intro with them xP hehe… then things happened lol.  那天你親了我很多, 我是沒有關係的因爲我喜歡的是你.  如果我在學校也不會親你, 對不對?  然後你還是對我很溫柔, 會問我東西. 我只是在想:  過了今天又會不會再喜歡我多一點… 甚至會有一點”愛”我呢? 如果會的話…你可不可以告訴我, 同時不要離開呢?  你是唯一一個男生我可以讓你去了其它讓步可以去的地步.  也是因爲這樣那天之後我喜歡你的level已經不一樣了.  請不要誤會我們沒有做了什麽年輕人不該做的事, 只是我沒有想過原來你跟別的男生都是一樣的.  唯一不一樣的是…我喜歡你.

Monday March 24th 2008:

I stayed home again… nothing much to do… went to the mall with my mom… got a couple of small things. 

Tuesday March 25th 2008:

Went to the mall with Camille.  Saw Nick Mui working on his first day at Coles… xD it was kinda funny… then we saw Alex Tseng… ==;  it was somewhat unexpected haha and things happened… stupid tickle me elmo joke lol

So guess what that’s it for my Spring Break… stupid right o_o;; I loved it =] 

~ Belle

I never thought saying some random could make you take it so seriously… I never thought you’d actually wake up at 10 just to hear me ask something really simple and stupid…  I admit that my question was random =) at least you woke up and talked to me and went to drop in. 

Do you know what I’m super amazed at?  You seem to be able to change and do everything really fast.  I wonder if you were speeding on the way down Forest Parkway o_o!  If you did I’d laugh =P  In the end everything you do surprises me… maybe it’s because I’d never expect you to be able to do so much in such a little amount of time.  And perhaps I never thought I’d be able to understand how you really think.  I know I can guess a huge part of what your thoughts consist of.  I can… I do… and I will!  It’s not like me to just give up on things, and I suppose it’s we’re both too stubborn to let go and say that we’re wrong.  That is if we’re ever wrong…  I know I like to win… and I know I hate losing, but most of all I like being who I am… And that’s who you like me for too.  In the end, that’s why I like you as well. 

Major surprise of the day… was around 3:25pm… You had to leave and I know that you have to as well which I didn’t mind.  What I didn’t expect from you was coming back, holding me slightly and a kiss on the cheek.  “o_o is this really happening?  Wow… I never expected this to happen, and definitely not today.”  That’s what came through my mind, and my first reaction was wondering if my face was really red and the next… I suppose I didn’t think twice and kissed you back on the cheek.  I never really paid attention as to why you kissed me though…  It seems like it just happened…  I really didn’t think that it would happen after the last week… but then again I like you for who you are… wait didn’t I just say that a couple of minutes ago? 

You know what else surprises me?  It’s quite funny that when I lose my balance and I pull myself back in and you touched my chest by accident.  This is definitely not something you experience everyday… It makes me laugh that you think I am extremely bothered by it.  Yes it was slightly awkward at first, but to be totally honest with you I am really really flat, so it’s more awkward for you than me.  Other than that I suppose nothing really matters to me…

Surprises are great when they’re good surprises.  Ok that just sounded so weird… == but that’s okay.  Other surprises can be slightly scary… so in the end I wonder where this will take us… =P

~ Belle

Two days ago, I had the biggest breakdown I’ve had yet this year…  Why is it that everytime we talk about something so serious that I have to ask something stupid and make myself feel worse.  I know for a fact that if I have kept my mouth shut I wouldn’t have cried… 

Whether or not I’m attached to you it’s too late for me…  I’m already attached and it doesn’t matter to me anymore how much further I fall for you because I already have.  And I fell hard.  I don’t know if it’s just me or not, but I can tell, or at least sense, that as much as you like me now we’re at different levels.  We are… we always were.  Perhaps that’s the reason why my tears came down so fast and it didn’t seem to want to stop.  It’s impossible for me to have such good luck and not have it end.  Maybe that explains why you’re planning on letting go.  I was naive enough to lie to myself that maybe you won’t…  The same thoughts go through my mind everytime I start to doubt myself… “He told you to have faith in him… Stay strong just for him.  You know he won’t hurt you because he’s too nice to hurt you.  Maybe he won’t let go after another month or two.  Stop doubting yourself!  What if he doesn’t go to Toronto and stay here?  Then you’ll be stupid for worrying so much”.  All that went through my mind, and yet it still is.  It’s like its a song on repeat and I can’t stop it.  It just won’t stop replaying itself.  So what about all the times that I’ve tried so hard to keep you beside me…?   Was it just stupid for me to do something like that?  Should I have never worked for anything and just hope that things will work out?  Or is it just because I don’t want to lose?  I don’t want to lose you.  I don’t want to lose everything that I’ve worked so hard for and given up all my feelings for. 

There are obvious reasons as to why I like you, and then there are the other reasons that I can’t seem to say.  I don’t need a reason to like.  Better yet I don’t need a reason to love either.  I’m starting to actually feel like I love you.  Everything that’s going on in my life seems to revolve around you at some point.  Whether if something is just passing by you or I actually have something in my life that involves you.  You invaded my life… You broke down walls and you got to my heart in such a short period of time.  I’m one of the most insecure girls that you can find around here, and yet you seem to protect me wherever I go.  The feeling of protection is something that I’ve never really felt coming from someone similar like you.  I like that feeling; I need that feeling; I want that feeling. 

“What’s the point.. you know he won’t stay for you.  You know that you can never be important in his life.  You’re just another girl.  Maybe he’ll remember 10 years from now and think of you as his first girlfriend.  But it’s not like that’ll make a difference.” More insecure thoughts that budge their way into my brain.  Reasons for crying on wednesday…  I don’t know why I don’t want to list them.  I tried blocking out our whole convo… but it didn’t work.  It just kept coming back to me like a boomerang.  In the end you tell me not to think about it too much.  Then why the heck did you tell me that we still have three months?  I didn’t want a date you know that?  Three months from now… THAT IS A BOMB…  a bomb that will set off in three months… I don’t even want to know about the damage that it’ll create.  I really didn’t want a date… what’s the point of setting a date on a relationship? 

“You know you like him… stop overthinking things.  What’s the point in second guessing yourself?  You know you believe every word that he says.  Just listen to him and don’t think about this.  As long as you like him it doesn’t matter.  Just hope that things will get better.  You know he’ll always be around… just maybe not how you’d want him to be”  More thoughts that come back to me… all I want to say is that I won’t give up.  Never.  It’s not very Belle-like to give up. 

~ Belle

情人節快樂!  今年我的情人節過得非常開心, 因爲從早上開始就已經很甜蜜了.  昨天早上我要上體育課, 而我出來的時候我一看他就在我面前.  他拿著一枝rose要送給我.  我的同學也要看到, 讓我覺得很幸福也很尷尬.  原因是我的同學就算有男朋友都沒有收到花.  Camille跟我一樣有收到rose.  因爲我的好朋友昨天開始跟Curtis在一起啦!  我為Camille覺得非常開心.  我希望他們兩個會永遠開心愛下去.  而我呢?  昨天的我非常開心.  我笑出來的時候讓人覺得很可笑, 因爲當我真心地笑出來我會忘記我身旁的人會看到我傻笑的樣子.  可是我要跟你說一聲, 你是第一個男生送花給我.  而你跟我說,我是你的一個送花的女生.  這句話讓我覺得我們兩個擁有對方的很多第一次.  須讓你不會是我的初吻, 可是如果我們真的會的話, 我會是你的初吻.  你也是第一個男生會把我擁抱得這麽緊, 讓後跟我說一聲: “我不會放手的, 永遠都不會, 特別是今天” .  你說完之後我真的很想跟你說聲: “我愛你”.  可是我不想是因爲情人節才跟你說這一句話.  你等一下, 等到我們交往一個月的時候, 或許我會有勇氣跟你說一聲吧.  昨天呢id920有一個特別的節目, 而我幫了Rey寫了一些比較感人的短文. 那我希望聽到我寫的東西的聽衆會喜歡我寫的東西把. 因爲呢我是從心底寫下每一句的.  老實說我覺得Rey是跟我開玩笑的.  我有什麽能力成爲id920的inspiration呢?  可是我也看到chatroom裏面有很多人喜歡我寫的東西, 所以我要跟你們說一聲: “謝謝你們!”  如果沒有我昨天的經歷我可能寫不出我寫過的東西啦.  我跟你們分享一下我昨天寫過的一些東西吧.  下面是我寫的短文, 而我昨天寫的quote就不能分享了. 對不起~

For those that are single and not crushing.  Valentine’s Day isn’t all about love.  It’s also a time to spend time with the family and friends that you appreciate so much and never had the spare moment to tell them how much they mean to you in your life.  Place a couple hours aside and eat a nice dinner with your parents and siblings.  Or go out for a heart warming movie with your best friends and laugh your heart out.  Be a kid again and give them a Valentine’s Day card, or mouth watering chocolates.  Being single doesn’t mean you need to be discouraged by all the other couples walking out on the streets.  It’s better to be single than being in a relationship that you might not even want to be in.  Just be true to your feelings and that’s all you need. 
 
For those that have a crush on someone.  Today is Valentine’s Day for a reason.  It gives you a chance to use all the courage you saved up to tell the person you like that you like them.  Missing out on this one chance can result in not getting another chance in the future.  The innumerable hours you spent thinking about them.  Their smile brightens up your day; their laugh makes your heart skip a beat; their tears make you worry about them day and night.  Use February 14th as a day to take a risk, no a chance, a chance to change something in your life.  To the people listening, you may think that I am just saying it and it is easier said than done.  However, you may be suprirsed.  I took a chance, but not on Valentine’s Day, but regardless I took a chance.  In the end, the results were better than I thought.  Instead of a sad ending, I got my happy ending.  So take a chance, you may be surprised by the affects your words can have on someone.  Someone special.
 
For those that are currently in love.  Today is a special day that we get to spend quality time with someone we share deep feelings with.  We put aside our arguments, our disagreements, and most of all we only think about why we are in love each other.  The sweet atmosphere with young couples exchanging gifts; the steady couples sharing a dinner; or a just married couple cuddling up at home watching their favourite movie.  Nothing matters.  Materials don’t create the atmosphere, it’s the time spent together that makes the day so much more special.  Everyday spent with the person you truly care about is considered Valentine’s Day.  Now we have a day, an excuse, to drop whatever we’re doing to actually BE with that person.  We shouldn’t even use the word excuse, it’s a reason, a need, a drug… Love is a drug… so addicting, it’s absolutely amazing.  The only thing that’s different, is that love can’t kill you.  It allows you to live on with your life, with your other half.
 
For everyone listening to CBC gwun, wai wai, and NEZ!  Happy Valentine’s Day =3  Love, Belle0903 <3

我希望你們會喜歡我寫的東西吧!

~ Belle

昨天可能是我們兩個不會猜得到的日子.  我媽咪居然讓我在雪地裏跟一個朋友出去走走.  而你, 考完試之後跟我談十日前的話題.  你跟我說你覺得現在的關係很好, 你不想有什麽改變.  除非我不想再跟你在一起. 我聽到的時候覺得很奇怪因爲我不覺得你是一個會講這些的人, 可是我錯了!  你會好想人家的男朋友一樣會說一些我們想聼的話. 然後牽著我的手, 但是在那一刻我不知道我是不是在做夢, 如果是的話我真的不想醒過來. 你看到我的顧慮, 卻跟我說那你先把你的手放進袋子裏然後再看看我的話是不是真的. 我們回到我家的路時你又一次牽著我的手, 這一次是真實的! 因爲我感覺得到你給我的溫暖.  可是這個時候我爸爸回家了! 哈哈你看到我爸爸肯定覺得有一點尷尬.  因爲我有阿所以我覺得你也會覺得尷尬咯.  可是這已經不是我要擔心的事情了.  因爲我喜歡的是你, 我不會感覺到有什麽不可以的. 只要我們之間的信任還在那我不會在意咯. 聽到你跟我說的話在我腦海裏面重復一百次, 我覺得我之前擔心得太多了.

~ Belle